I need to get everything out, and since I cannot tell those I love the most I settled for the millions of annon users of the internet. You will give me the lashing I deserve and the comfert I do not. The story is a long one so you may want to secure a comfy chair to sit in.
This is hard for me to write but I will write it anyway. I am madly utterly crazy for my fiancee who is of 20 years of age, while I am18 and about to be a freshman in college. I've known my fiancee all my life, he's been my best friend since we were in elementry school and as we got older our relationship naturally progressed into a budding love interest. He was the first and only man I've ever made love to and the first time was incredible, I had never known love could be that intense. His first words to me after were "I'm so glad I waited for you." my heart melted, I mean what more could a woman want to hear after her first time? The love we have shared has been filled with the intense heat of passion, and still is. I'm just as passionate as I was for him as he is for me. My mom loves him and know's of our sexual activity and has accepted it as a natural part of life. I am excited for him to become my husband and long for nothing more then to have him in my bed every night for the rest of my life. I want to grow old with him, as I'm starting to do. I want so much for him, but most of all his happiness means everything to me.
However, no sex life comes without it's issues. My fiancee, is an amazing lover, and were great at communicating what we want to eachother. The issue is my amazing, gorgeous, intelligent 6'5'' itailian man, has trouble getting it up sometimes. We will try to the point of tears some days, other days were lucky and everything goes smoothly. When we make love it is a beautiful thing and it brings me joy and pleasure, but when I come home and I've been thinking about it all day long and I want more then anything is some nice hot sex, it turns into something else. I have to spend time on him and I never really get foreplay, and when he finally gets there it's a rush just to get him in me before he goes limp and sometimes half way through he'll go soft and he is brought down to frustration and I'm brought to tears. He can only handle three positions other wise the colaboration and the distraction of another postion will not be condusive to sex. Medicine is not an option, he still is a poor college student living with his parents and it would conflict with his other medications. Most of the time our sex consists with our clothes on and very quick and unsatisfying for me, so he'll usually finish me up after he's done which is decent for me. We are compatable in all other areas, it's just sometimes I want to be the one who recieves instead of gives. I want to just lay back back and enjoy the veiw of him working to please me.
Alas enter the problem, before my fiancee and I became mates, I had a longterm boyfriend and he was lacking completly in the sex department souly because he was mormon and wouldn't offer more then a kiss. So I found solice in close friend of mine who offered a safe sexually explorative environment, I gladly accepted. To my greatest shame I admit we made out here and there, and that was satisfying at the time. At the time I was afraid of anything more then that, because I had been raised on the principle of sex after marriage, so I felt guilty and dirty after all my encounters with my friend. However as time wore on I declined the sexual part of my relationship with him and soon me and my boyfriend broke up. My fiancee soon thereafter picked up the peices and after three months of healing he asked if we could start seeing eachother, I agreed and there our realtionship was born.
Now as a lack of sexual satifaction is being arosed I have gone back to said friend and we have started our relationship where it left off. My first discrepency against my fiancee was just shy of a month ago, and since then I have only had one other sexual encounter with my friend. My first descrepency lead me seconed base but my seconed led me to third base completly naked. The worst thing is I can't stop thinking about it, it was great and how bad I want more. My friend made sure I got mine before he got his, and even then he was content to leave it at just getting me off. His hair is soft and his kisses are rough he doesn't shave his chest or anywhere else for that matter, he's my hieght and caucassian. He is the complete opposite of what I usually go for, short, stocky, and uncircumcised. All I can think about is laying there nude with a guy who's only my friend and only has ever been. I want to have sex with him, but he is bent on being a virgin till marriage. Then I think to my sweet fiancee who's trying to provide everything to satisfy me and has only ever been monogomous, and who is faithful and kind and protects me. I have already resolved that I will never tell him what has transpired, because his happiness means the world to me. Yet I find myself caught between what I has never failed me and the expeirences of which I may never have. I don't want to waste my youth, but I don't want to give up the potentially greatest guy I will ever have the pleasure of being with. I love my fiancee more then my own life. I would do anything for him, but the unkown is killing me.
